Sunday 5 January 2014

Carol E Wyer's Grumpy Old Menopause Book Launch



Grumpy Old Menopause

Have you started to write post-it notes with your kids’ names on them? Do you need to change your underwear after every sneeze? Guess it’s time to read this book then. It’ll help you get through “that” time in your life with a spring in your step and a smile on your face. (Yeah right!)

Grumpy Old Menopause will help you sail through a tricky part of a woman’s life with ease and humour. It should prevent you from turning into Mrs Crabby or worse still, a demonic monster.

I would make sure you haven’t got any sharp knives around the house though, in case I happen to be wrong!

“I LOVED the 'things you should hide from a menopausal woman' segments at the beginning of each chapter.” Chris Tryon, reader.

“Whatever you do, don’t mention … the menopause!! If you do, make sure it’s preceded by the words ‘Grumpy Old…’ and followed by a demand for the book on prescription from your doctor.” Sheryl Browne, author
“This book just doesn’t help the menopausal woman. With her wit and humour, Carol entertains and brightens up your day. She’s a tonic that should be bottled.”
Cathy Speight, reviewer





Have you started to write post-it notes with your kid's names on them? Do you need to change your underwear after every sneeze? Guess it’s time to read this book then. It’ll help you get through “that” time in your life with a spring in your step and a smile on your face. (Yeah right!)

I hit puberty late in life. When I say late, I mean late. Every girl in my class had huge breasts, Bic disposable razors, boyfriends and giggled a lot about sex. I was behind the times and my body didn’t transform until I was about seventeen.

Now, I am in my fifties and I am still a late developer. All my friends journeyed through the miserable menopause several years ago while I trailed behind.

At least I was able to amass a stack of information to help me transit this time with the minimum of woe and bad temper. I learned much from my friends and have discovered that you can get through the menopause without wanting to rip off people’s heads or lying in bed with terrible cramps.

This guide will help you when your other half and your family don’t seem to understand what is happening to you. It will ease your mind, when you are awake at night, wondering if you are the only woman in the universe, to be swimming in a puddle of sweat with your heart palpitating. This little book will help you sail through a tricky part of a woman’s life with ease and humour. It should prevent you from turning into Mrs Crabby or worse still, a demonic monster.

I would make sure you haven’t got any sharp knives around the house though just in case I happen to be wrong.

Menopause is one of those life changes. How we handle it is up to us. Whether we choose to use hormone therapy replacement, whether we set up our own physical and mental regime through exercise, diet, or other means, or whether we decide to “go it alone” and just ride it out until it’s hopefully over, we are entirely responsible for the daily attitude we carry throughout this time.

The menopause often occurs at a time in our lives when most, if not all of our children, are leaving or have left the nest. (For some, it unfortunately happens when their off-spring are going through puberty which can cause fireworks.) We may begin to feel needed less. Our purpose in life seems to have left, along with its dirty washing and noisy music. It is a time when we might begin to question what lies ahead.

Now that we have more time to ourselves we may begin to notice those indicators of age: facial wrinkles, the drooping turkey neck, and the triceps that are turning into the infamous “bingo wings”. It’s not a very appealing picture. However, we should not be concerned with the “old” woman who is staring at us in the mirror. We should concentrate on the “new” woman on the inside. 

What can we do to get through this phase of our lives? Surprisingly there is much that we can do to stop blowing up at people and having a rough ride. We can take measures to look after ourselves and ensure we do not get too overwhelmed by what is happening to our bodies. However, the best medicine of all is laughter.

So, without further ado sit back with a small glass of wine, a large box of chocolates and this book.

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Question: What can a husband do when his wife is going through menopause?
Answer: Keep busy. If he's handy with tools, he can finish the basement. Then when he's finished, he'll have a place to live. 

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A

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Things you should hide from a woman going through menopause: axes, arrows, anything sharp and pointed.

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Anger, anxiety, aggression, annoyed...the letter A is shaping up to be a great start to our journey through grumpy old menopause.

Let’s start with the big A for anger, otherwise known as being affronted, annoyed, antagonized, bitter, chafed, choleric, convulsed, cross, displeased, enraged, exacerbated, exasperated, ferocious, fierce, fiery, fuming, furious, galled, hateful, heated, hot, huffy, ill-tempered, impassioned, incensed, indignant, inflamed, infuriated, irascible, irate, ireful, irritable, irritated, maddened, nettled, offended, outraged, piqued, provoked, raging, resentful, riled, sore, splenetic, storming, sulky, sullen, tumultuous, turbulent, uptight, vexed, wrathful. There, feel better?
You don’t? This is the time to buy one of those large punch bags that boxers use and hang it outside, preferably in the garage. Whenever you feel like smacking something hard, walk out to the garage and have six rounds with the bag.
Better still, paint a large face on it of someone you want to hit, give the bag a name and let loose. (Warning – be careful you don’t rip your shoulder muscles. So far, it’s taken me five months of physiotherapy to fix mine, and I yelp and swear every time the physio tries to work on it!)

If, like me, you have been banned from attacking people with heavy or sharp objects every time you fly off the handle, then you can always rely on your crafty female ways, after all, there are other ways to release your inner anger:

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Husband to wife: “When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?”
Wife: “I clean the toilet bowl.”
Husband: “How does that help?”
Wife: “I use your toothbrush.”
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